The Greenstone midge, song

Brian Doyle, singing in English
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You may talk about the monsters that live inside Loch Ness
Or the devils of Tasmania that would dine upon your chest
The rats and bees and snakes and fleas of every shape and size
That would live within inside of your ears and feast upon your eyes
The leaches and the lizards that are slithering up and down
The bugs and slugs that squirm and slide and cause us all to frown
But not one of them could scare you more or cause a bigger itch
Than the dirty swarming bastards that we call the Greenstone midge

Well now Greenstone is a happy place the most part of the year
Situated up in Meentagh Glen, a couple of miles from here
But not long after Easter and before the days grow warm
Out from the trees and bushes these boys they come in swarms
They get inside your ears and nose and half way up your arse
They dance a jig upon your head and down your back they’ll march
You’ll want to bury your head in sand or dive into a ditch
To escape the fangs and suckers of the dirty Greenstone midge

Now for such a tiny creature they do a terrible lot of harm
Torturing people at their work the day being dull or warm
There’s many a man came up the lane his days’ work to begin
But believe me boys by ten o clock he’d need a second skin
Be he carpenter or plumber or a lad that’s laying blocks
A Painter or a plasterer they couldn’t give two damns
No salt or pepper they’d require nor neither knife or fork
To dine upon the hides of theses unfortunate men of work

Now because I come from Dublin they call me a Jackeen
We’ve a stream they call the Liffey and a field called Steven’s Green
We’ve a post office called the GPO and a pin they call the Spire
We’ve men that thinks they’re women and women in men’s attire
We’ve gangsters and we’ve gougers and we’ve rogues of every kind
But most of them in Leinster House who’d like to rob you blind
But of all the bowsies that you’ll meet either side of the Ha’penny Bridge
Not one of them compares at all to the dirty Greenstone midge

Now when your life is over and to heaven you do go
To begin your life of leisure far from the fires below
Now who’ll be standing at the gates but St. Peter with a smile
Come in says he take off your coat, sit down and stay a while
You’ll be sitting there with your harp and wings without a single care
And all that died before you sure we’ll all be meeting there
But the biggest blessing of them all and why you’ll never budge
You’ll never have to meet again the dirty Greenstone midge