Lyrics

In a neat little cottage not far from the town
There lived a man named Marcus Brown
He was well to do with a neat little wife
But the want of a family caused great strife.

With my raddle um faddle um high diddle laddle um
Raddle um faddle um high diddle dee.

Well every day it grew worse and worse
He consulted with mother’s own family nurse
Kind sir don’t fret was her reply
Why don’t you the family ointment try.

Well pleased with the news away he went
And he got a box of this ointment
Home he came without delay
And his wife tried some the very same day.

Well next morning to Mr Brown’s surprise
His wife grew ill and she could not rise
She lay in the bed and the midwife came in
She threw away three the dead image of him.

Oh my lord cried Brown will she have another
When a dab of the ointment fell again on the mother
Oh my lord cried Brown will she have more
In less than an hour she had twenty four.

And where he kept his cows in grass
There was one gave a dab to a big jackass
He lay in the ditch they thought she was stole
Him busting his sides and him starting to foal.

Then a big tom cat brushed against the ass
And a dab of the ointment it stuck fast
He headed for home he thought he was fine
At the end of the day he dropped twenty nine.

Then the reverend mother came to save the day
She knelt on the ground and started to pray
She left for home she thought she was free
But the convent increased by thirty three.

Well the ointment was working at full stretch then
Everything it touched multiplied by ten
Well Brown was asked came this reply
Never the family ointment try.