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The Mummers’ Doctor [Wexford]

The mummers’ doctor [Wexford], speech / Jack Golden, speech in English

The mummers’ doctor [Wexford], speech / Jack Golden, speech in English

Pray, Doctor, tell me what can you do?
I can cure what I think fit
The cunningest I can outwit
All hotin’-dotin’ hippish creatures
Headaches, heartaches, collygrubs and grabers
The colly-gabe, the lame, the blind
The deaf, the dumb and the pain of mind
The pox, the palsy and the gout
And if the devil was at dinner I’d rout him out
I can also cure a jealous wife
Make her lead a quiet and sober life
If she’s deaf or dumb on either lip or tongue
I’ll make her as sound as any drum
Me granny’s brains I once took out
I washed them clean all at a spout
What wasn’t good, I left them there
And I stuffed the space with graineog’s hair.

Notes from Hugh Shields

As a young man Jack Golden had the role of the doctor with the mummers. Parts of the text are mere nonsense. Graineog means “hedgehog.”